7Tips for When You Hate Your Daughter's Boyfriend

 

By Sara Lustberg

When you hate your daughter’s boyfriend, it can seem like there will never be peace in your house. But the time has come to weigh out your options and be more proactive when it comes to your child’s love life. Whether your child is in high school or looking to get married, it’s no picnic when you hate your daughter’s boyfriend. It is definitely hard to see the love of your life, the person you love forever unconditionally, waste their time with someone who you think is a complete loser. Do not feel helpless any longer because here are 7 tips to consider following for when you hate your daughter’s boyfriend!

1. Introduce Her to Someone New

This might seem annoying at first but as a concerned parent, you have every right to introduce new prospects into your child's life when you hate your daughter's boyfriend. Regardless of whether she is interested in the guys you introduce her to or not, I would still continue to suggest new guys. I say to continue with setting her up whether it works out or not, because maybe eventually she will see the differences between the gentlemen you set her up with, and the low-life she is currently dating. And even if she doesn’t, introducing her to new people can be a positive and assertive thing to do- especially since you’re not directly intervening in her relationship, and you are still showing your daughter how concerned you really are.

2. Express Concern to Your Daughter

Depending on what kind of sticky situation you have on your hands, it’s important to carefully plan out this discussion with your daughter. You don’t want your daughter to get upset, insulted, or offended, and you want to keep the lines of communication open so she knows she can confide in you. However, when you hate your daughter’s boyfriend, a completely valid plan of action is to sit down with your daughter and remind her that you love her and you are only looking out for her. Most importantly, make sure to say that you would hate to see her with someone so disrespectful (or whatever the case may be).

3. Express Concern to Your Family

Regardless of how young or mature your daughter is, when you hate your daughter’s boyfriend, don’t forget you are still her mother and parent and you will always be an integral part of her life. So do not feel guilty raising your concerns with your spouse and other children, because chances are they are just as concerned as you, and a reasonable course of action can be taken. The other outcome is that maybe you are overreacting to the situation, and your loved ones might be able to help you see how unreasonable YOU are being. Paranoia runs deep, and we can all be guilty of irrationality every once in a while.

4. Give Him a Second Chance

We all have our reasons for disliking people, and if there is a certain incident relating your disdain of your daughter’s boyfriend, maybe consider letting it go. When you hate your daughter’s boyfriend, it can often end up tearing your family apart, not to mention your coveted relationship with your baby girl. So think about giving her man another shot. If he seems to make her happy then there’s no harm in forgiving and forgetting the past- especially if their relationship seems like it is heading for the long term. Furthermore, an apology on both sides may be necessary, or at least some time to sort things out related to whatever made you hate your daughter’s boyfriend in the first place.

5. End It

This is by far not my favorite course of action to take when you hate your daughter’s boyfriend, but sometimes drastic measures need to be taken if your child is unable to see the dangers of staying with her boyfriend. As an adolescent, I dated plenty of guys who could be considered every parent’s nightmare. As upset as I was at my parents from forbidding me to see whoever my boyfriend was at the time (they did this several times) anymore, looking back I owe my happiness, health, and safety to them. Especially if your daughter is a teenager, if you see a guy directly imposing on her healthy lifestyle, it is your job to step in as a parent and protect her. For example, if he is introducing her to drugs, drinking, unsafe sex or all three, do not hesitate to cut that relationship off as much as you can. She may be upset and hate you now, but in the long run she will thank you and realize how much you really care about her.

6. Confront Him

Sometimes the best course of action to take when you hate your daughter’s boyfriend is to politely straighten him out yourself. If you are blatantly aware of inappropriate behaviors going on, feel free to confront him on it when you have the chance. The best way to do this is to indicate that you are only looking out for your daughter, and you hope he can see that you are rightfully concerned and worried about his behavior. If you daughter gets upset, maybe it will lead to their relationship ending, which is really what you want in the end anyway. Another outcome is that his behavior will change. People are sometimes oblivious to their wrongdoings, so maybe all he needs is someone to indicate to him that his current behavior is less than acceptable.

7. Get to Know Him

Immediately writing people off is something so common amongst the people of my generation, and it’s very pessimistic and frankly unnecessary. Every situation is different, but if you have immediately written off your daughter’s boyfriend for no apparent reason (or perhaps an invalid one), think about reevaluating your opinion of him. The best way to do this is to get to know him yourself, invite him over for dinner with your family or maybe even suggest meeting for coffee if you feel comfortable enough. There are many qualities in others that don’t come out right away, and similarly ones that others see but we ourselves do not. So when you hate your daughter’s boyfriend, push yourself to try to see the good in in him and their relationship because more often than not your daughter’s happiness depends on it.